~ NEW LIFE
~ TO BE
ALIVE ~
I have come to see
there are many places of the heart we can see and experience life from. For me, I have come back to being such a
child at heart and seeing things from the eyes of a child. I am simply amazed and fascinated with
everything around me. Then, we have a
place like my daughter Rachel. She is a
few days from having her first baby and he will bring such a deep new life to
everyone around her and so also deeply to her.
It is when we have our own children that we begin to see and understand
our own parents from different eyes!
I have come to
Europe, Austria to be exact, in a wonderful time in my life since my heart is
so open and childlike again. I find
myself flowing, actually overflowing, with such joy every day. I am fascinated with all the technology here
that I have never seen in the US in over thirty years in the construction
field. They have such simple things here
that the US would benefit from on every level.
For me, I see new light switches, new plugs, new doors that also open
like windows. I see new designs of
walls, roofs, churches that are six hundred years old, roads that go through a
tunnel in an old house. I think, “Why
did they make this for only one car wide?”
My friend said it was made this way for horses! (LOL)
It is six hundred years old!
The food is
different, the way you pay for things is different, and the customs are
different. I am in a completely new
world! Some things I will think, “This
is strange”, but it is old Europe and not a modern country that is just over
two hundred years old. You cannot see
any structures in the US that are one thousand or two thousand years old! I have not touched these things before. My eyes and my heart just light up with all
these new sights and information! I feel
so alive with each breath! Something as
simple as a cord you pull inside the house next to a window. When you pull this cord, it lowers a shade or
blind cover over the window on the outside of the house! In all my years I have not ever seen
this. I just laugh like a child in
amazement!
I am reminded of my
son when he was little, like almost two years old. We were living up in the woods of
Montana! We did not have running water
so we had an outside toilet; the old style with just a hole in the ground with
a small building over it and a toilet lid!
You just do your business and it drops in the hole! It is simple and it works just wonderful! There is no need for all the fancy stuff when
you live out in the woods. This works
just fine! He was so happy when he could
go to the adult toilet outside. So was
my daughter, when she was big enough to do this! Well one day we were visiting a friend and my
son needed to go to the bathroom. Now
Bob had a new toilet with water and you flush it inside his house! I was in the kitchen talking to Bob and my
son came to me. Remember, he is only two
years old. He needed to go to the
toilet. He was so surprised Bob had a
toilet inside of his house!! He could
not understand why Bob had this in the house and not outside like us! But this was nothing! Just a few moments later, he came to me
pulling my hand. He was so excited! “Daddy, Daddy, come with me. You have to see this!” I am like, “See what?” He just wanted to show me. His eyes were so big like he had just seen
God or an Angel, or like he had just seen a unicorn standing in the
bathroom! I was so amazed at his joy and
wondered what in the world he could be so excited about in the bathroom! So I followed him in there and he went to the
toilet! My beautiful son, he looked at
me and said, “Daddy, Daddy, look! Bob
has water in his toilet!!!!! Daddy look! If I pull this handle, the water moves out
the bottom and disappears!” He flushed
the toilet two or three times to show me.
He just kept saying to begin with, “Look Daddy! Bob has water in his toilet!” The innocents of a child, this is what I was
so deeply amazed at back then twenty years ago; to see his face and feel his
heart! It was like he just learned to
fly and realized he had wings!
Well at fifty-one
years old, I have just awakened to my wings and flying around with such
joy! My friend who is taking the
pictures of me said, “You are like such a child; your eyes and your face just
light up!” I am telling you, it feels so
magical and amazing! It takes me back to
all these moments with my children! They
put electrical plugs up high on the walls here next to a light switch. I have never seen this before! I asked “Why do you do this” like a child,
but I do not think most people even know why (LOL), so no real answer on this
one yet!
I find it difficult
to be real serious about much of anything now; just full of laughter and
joy! Sometimes I feel a bit afraid but I
just refuse to go to any fear! Rather I
just stay in a place of trust and in the present moment! I see how the overflowing love and joy is
touching everyone I meet and come in contact with! I worked for so many years to come to this
place of freedom, love, joy and presence that to feel so alive, to feel so much
love, just to feel the sacredness of life, is simply amazing!
I deeply enjoy food
and the simple things. The food here is
wonderful. The wine is far superior to
anything I have ever had or tasted. The
beer is so smooth and delicious! The
food and wine is like seventy-five percent cheaper here than in the US. I am amazed at the quality of everything
here; made to last, made with heart and integrity of their name! The craftsmanship in everything here is so
beautiful to me! I have this in all I do,
to put my heart in it, so I deeply appreciate this in all that I see! Now I do not miss the negative parts of life
here, but to me, they are far less than what I found in my life in the US.
The hearts of the
people here are much softer and more open to compassion and love. The men here are very open and have a
tenderness I longed for growing up in the US.
The ladies here, well what can be said for such magical, beautiful flowers
that grow all over the world. Simply, we
need to appreciate all these things. I
think we each have a place in the world or more than one place in the world
where we will feel alive and whole, where we feel welcome and wanted. I have felt this here in Austria now and in
Japan. I never felt really wanted,
welcome, or at home in the US, not even as a child. I honestly have just always felt it was not
my real home and I did not like it there.
I have been in search of my home all my life. I think this is part of why I traveled to
more than forty different states in the US when I was younger, but it all felt
the same to me; kind of empty is the best way to put it. Have I found my home here? I do not know yet! But I have found a place I feel completely
alive and free to be me! Free to be
amazed and fascinated with life and watching the water flow down or up! (LOL)
Like right now, I
look out the window and it is snowing.
Before, oh, it was ok. Now, I
feel like I did when I was a child. I
just want to stop writing and go out and stand in the snow! It looks so beautiful and the pure white
color covers everything in such a glow and magical beauty! I am reminded of when I was a child. I just loved the movie “Heidi” with Shirley
Temple; the beauty of the mountains, the magic of the snow, the beauty of her
Grandfather! How he began with her, he
was so hard in his heart! Then how
little Heidi just melted his heart!
My childhood was so
painful that my little child inside was lost until I had my children! Then each one of them melted my heart in a
different way! Each one removed a piece
of the walls I had built around my heart!
Each one of my children freed me to love and feel alive again! If it were not for all five of these
beautiful souls I was blessed with in my life, I would not be the tender soul I
am today! I always said my greatest
blessing in life was my children. I
still feel this way and my family of heart now includes many other children as
well.
I have found joy
brings tears at times to too. I feel
sadness and sorrow just as freely. I do
not run from this part of life. I have
found love and pain come hand in hand, so we must be able to feel great pain as
well as great love!
I now have no
regrets in my life! I did have one and I
have expressed this regret to the soul whom I lost! I have had to let this go and I have found in
life I just focus on the beauty around me and in front of me! I let go of the pain and sorrow of the past
to seek and swim in the love, beauty and compassion found in each moment I take
a breath!
May we all find this
true freedom to love, to live, to fly and to be truly ALIVE!
With much love!
Aaron
(Article written
3-9-15)